Perpetual Expressions

Well, I finally shared my testimony in church on Sunday and here yesterday. It was actually very difficult for me to write and there were many personal aspects and stories that I could have shared that might have changed the feel of it, but it is my testimony.

The wonderful Mei shared a comment with us a couple of days ago in which she stated “very often we decide who we want to ‘target’ rather than showing God’s love to all.” I confess, in writing my testimony and the entries in my blog, I have a target audience. While I always hope that what I have to say is acceptable, helpful and encouraging to mature Christians, my writing is more for those who are in the process of learning or who have preset notions about Christianity and Christians. I wrote my testimony to show that you do not have to be a Christian at the beginning of the process. God meets us where we are – no matter where that is. He shapes us and molds us in His kingdom as He sees fit and you should never let anyone tell you you’re not doing it “right”. Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the Most High God sent to save us from the bondage of sin and death and that in believing in Him you give yourself up to His power and saving Grace? Then that’s about as right as it gets.

Having said all that, however, let me tell you that my plans and God’s plans are not always the same. He uses us in ways we cannot begin to imagine or fathom and I am ever blessed by that. I delivered my testimony with a lot of internal quavering, afraid no one would understand it or be touched by it. I really do underestimate Him sometimes.

At the end of the service, a young woman who was visiting our church approached me. She said she wanted to meet me. She, her husband, and two teenage sons had just moved into town. She confided in me that she had not really made any friends in town yet and we exchanged phone numbers. She is simply looking for someone she can talk to.

That evening, my performance ministry team attended an event at a local church. One of my fellow performers approached me and began a conversation with me about my testimony. This is a woman I have known for years, have had disagreements with, have had agreements with, but with whom I have also felt I had little in common. She was born into the church, has always believed, and so I felt we didn’t truly understand each other. As I said, she approached me and began telling me about her experience in divorce. How she understood what I had meant in my testimony. How she had always believed in God and therefore she was not alone even through that, but how she also had struggled with feelings of failure. I made a connection with her I would have never imagined.

Last evening, I attended a meeting and my pastor shared with us the positive feedback he had received from our testimonies on Sunday. He told a story of a gentleman in our church who had called him Sunday evening. Let me explain something first, though. I was not comfortable giving my testimony. I really would rather not have done it. One of the things that prompted me to agree and also to write the first paragraph of my testimony, was hearing a couple of people turn the pastor down when they were asked. I didn’t really want to do it, but I felt it was important for me to do so. When I began writing, I was led to make a comment about how intimidating an experience it is, but that we need to be willing to overcome that intimidation for God. I should mention that I really have no idea how many people said no, I only knew of a couple. Apparently, the particular gentleman my pastor was talking about had refused to give his testimony. He had felt singled out by my opening comments even though I was completely unaware of his prior actions. He talked to the pastor about his walk with God and about how uncertain he still felt. Later that evening, a friend passed a monthly devotional book along to him. He flipped through the pages and the first devotional he stopped on was about how to give your testimony for God. He called the pastor and volunteered to give the next testimony in church.

I felt my testimony was inadequate. I almost did not give it. I prayed and I wrote. God did the rest. I doubt and He persuades. I fail and He forgives. I fall short and He lifts me up. May all the glory be His. Amen. Amen. And again I say, Amen.