Perpetual Expressions

Well, Shalene inspired me with her inspiration. Of course, I have meetings tonight, too, so I was looking for a quick way to share with you all. I’ve explained my struggle over writing my testimony, so I thought it would only be fair to finally share it with you. Keep in mind that it was meant to be delivered in person and that I only wish it was half as beautiful as Shalene’s testimony.

24 Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.” 26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” 28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” 30 Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. 31 But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name (John 20:24-31).

It’s an intimidating thing – to be asked to give your testimony. I’m sure my reaction was the same as anyone else’s when asked. Who me? I can’t do that! Why don’t you ask someone else? I’m sure they’d do a MUCH better job. The only problem is if we all keep pointing to the next person, not one of us is sharing with others how God works through our lives. So, this is mine.

Thomas is my favorite disciple, and if I had to choose a favorite Bible passage, I believe John 20:24-31 would be it. Thomas is flawed. Thomas is real. Thomas is me. He earned the nickname “doubting Thomas” for a reason, you know.

Twenty years ago, I didn’t believe. I was a smart 17 year-old who had just graduated from high school. I believed I was “too intelligent” for all that religious stuff. I couldn’t see God. I couldn’t touch God. Why would I believe in something you couldn’t prove? Religion was just another way for society to make you act like it thought you should.

Ten year ago, I doubted. I stood on the edge of my life and I couldn’t figure out how to move forward without falling down further. I could see where I’d been and it wasn’t pretty. My marriage was over. The house I had lived in was no longer my own. The things I thought to be true were anything but. When I looked at my life, there was nothing to see but failure, bad decisions, and lies. Where do you turn when everything else falls apart? I went home.

Nine years ago, I believed. My mother invited me on Sunday to attend church with her. I told myself that kids needed a religious foundation in their lives, if only so they could make their own faith choices later on. I thought it would be interesting. It was love. It was the time when I felt myself to be the least lovable, the least worthy of love, and the minute I walked into that church, I experienced Christ’s love.

First through others – who were these people who loved me in spite of my mistakes? Who saw me as a worthy addition to their circle? Who weren’t worried about what I’d done, when I’d lost my way, or how imperfect I still was? They loved me simply because I was another child of God. I saw in them the person God wanted me to be, even though I didn’t know it at the time.

And then through Him – I like to think about things, explore their aspects, mull over the facts for a bit. My walk to faith was a thinking journey. I didn’t become a devoted Christian the minute I opened my Bible. I wasn’t swept away in a moment of religious ecstasy. Instead, I studied, I listened, and I began to accept. I began to see the Truth of the man who was Jesus Christ. I began to recognize His unconditional love, His life, His sacrifice, His power. A love that great, a life that complete, a sacrifice that perfect, a power that magnificent could not be earthly. It could only be Divine. He could only be Divine. It’s funny, but when the Truth finally finds its way, it is a feeling of peace and love and joy. That WAS a moment. That was my moment. That moment when my mind accepted what my heart already knew -

For God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

“Stop doubting and believe.”

Seven years ago, a wonderful lady of God asked me to step out in that same faith. She showed a confidence in me and my abilities that could have only been God sent. I told her I would go wherever He sent me as long as He never sent me to stand in front of the congregation. (God DOES have a sense of humor) You see – I’m a shy person. I’m a quiet person. I’m a thinking person. But, now, I’m a Christian. He makes me capable of things I cannot imagine doing. He makes me dream of things that are impossible to all – but Him.

Twenty years ago, I couldn’t see God. I couldn’t touch God. Today, I cannot look at anything without seeing God’s handiwork. I cannot touch anything without feeling God’s amazing love surround me. I cannot accept being shy or quiet when He calls on me to be His witness, His disciple, His servant. I said Thomas is my favorite disciple. I said he is me. I doubted, God showed me the holes in my life, He filled them without hesitation, and I finally believed. It’s been an incredible journey, one I’m still walking, but He has taught me some things along the way that I’d like to leave you with:

1. Never write off anyone – no matter what they say
2. Always tell others that God loves them and so do you
3. Always look at others through God’s eyes and see their talents
4. And always, ALWAYS be a witness to His saving Grace.

“Stop doubting and believe.”